I get so caught up in what I'm lacking. What I don't have. Lacking intelligence. Being envious of others for what they have that I don't. This can't ever be productive. No matter the wealth of the world I obtain, I will never be satisfied. It is good to appreciate what I do have. Be grateful for the things I have now. The relationships I have. The people that love me. What are we all ultimately searching for? Love. Acceptance. Peace. Kindness. Rest. Love. Choose Love. I can easily let myself fall into bitterness and cynicism. Narcissism. Lose hope. Decide I'm not smart enough or capable enough to move forward. Choose suicidal ideations. Stop wearing my seatbelt in the car. Not caring if I live or die. Sufjan Stevens.

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I'm going to try and keep this as 100 as possible. I have a tough time. I don't think right. Pretention sucks. Sometimes it might be useful, though. It's been so damn hard to find truth. I know the right way to treat people. I know priorities should be placed in relationships and selfless directions. I know to find true peace and joy I must learn to release selfish desires; image, materialism, pride, envy. I've been dealing with depression, anxiety, and fatigue for so long. My entire adult life. I still have yet to find the answer. October 30, 2016. I'm just a dude. I need to work hard. I need to not conform. I need to embrace myself. Purity. Wisdom comes from God. I'm so overwhelmed. I miss my old, happy-go-lucky self. I want to be inspired again. Creative and motivated.